Thursday, 27 October 2011

So as I once again have no idea what to post, I've decided to talk about one of my past entries.

I've chosen a rather meaningful one, which I posted in January of last year. Those of you who know me then, would know that it was a turning point in my life- I was getting ready to leave home and come over to Australia.

It feels weird, going to a different place all alone for such a long time, where I'll be forced to adapt and be on my own. No parental help. Everyone keep asking me whether I'm excited.

Honestly, if it were a holiday then obviously I would be excited, but this is different. How can I possibly be excited when I'm leaving my homeland for such a long time? I get it, some people are excited at leaving home and seeing new things and making new friends, but I've always been a home person. I know I can adapt, but that doesn't mean it'll make me feel better.

It really means that I'm leaving everything I have here. How can I be excited over that? But then again, I'm not dreading it either. I know the day will come, I know I have to go, and a part of me want to go. I know it's the only way I can see the world, experience a different culture, and grow up.

 
I do remember the mindset I was in then. I definitely dreaded it as the day came closer, and it felt horrible. I remember exactly what I felt as I walked towards the escalator that would bring me to passport control, where I had to say goodbye to family & friends. It wasn't a nice feeling.

Adapting wasn't easy, either. I have to say, now approximately 20 months after leaving home, I definitely adapting better; I actually feel that I can live here now, that I can actually enjoy myself, I feel that I actually have things to do that doesn't make me feel as if I'm missing out on a lot of things back home.

So to make things easy, definitely, I'm adjusting well. So well, in fact, that I think that if I were to return home I'd probably face reverse culture shock, or at least just a tiny part. As you may or may not know, I shut my feelings and thoughts of home out when I'm here very easily because I live such a drastically different life, and therefore it's easy to just not think of home, especially when I'm kept busy.

 For those who've experienced this before, you'll know that this is a very real dilemma!

I've come a long way since, in many different ways. My task here being uni, I've already completed my second year, with just one more to go! But I'm pretty sure my parents also wanted me to go abroad to gain some life experience, and this is the area in which I think I've changed and grown the most. Having to live independently is something that's just so much different and tougher than I'd thought it would be, and I've learned so many lessons and in a way, grew up a lot- and that's also perhaps why I would not adjust immediately back home.

When I went back home during the holidays last year, I definitely felt a slight disconnection with my peers- many things appear menial and mundane, and I felt myself having gone through so much more that it feels weird settling into that mindset where all I needed to worry about was where am I going to meet friends, and what am I going to eat while I'm with them.

But of course, I do still feel like a child sometimes, as everytime I learn something new it only goes to show that I didn't know it before, which makes me feel... ignorant, but at the end of the day I learn a new lesson anyway.

It's definitely fun to look back at where I was mentally back before I came here. It feels good to see how much further I've walked.

That's all. Have a great weekend ahead! 
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