Saturday, 12 February 2011

1. My sister, who is in her late 70s, was on a visit to my son's house.

My three-year-old grandson was playing in the living room while the adults were engrossed in conversation. Suddenly, he fell and knocked his head on the floor. We quickly went to his aid. My sister put her palm on her forehead and exclaimed, "Aiyoh!"

My grandson promptly stopped crying. Staring at her indignantly, he said, "My head, not yours!"

2. It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the far east. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me.

"What are my choices?" the man asked.

"Yes or no," replied the stewardess.

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart'.

4. While sitting on the train one day, the man next to me started screaming, "Call me a doctor! Call me a doctor!"

I asked, "Are you sick?"

"No," he replied. "I just graduated from medical school".

5. An army sergeant got word that the father of one of his men had passed away. At roll call he snapped, "Hey, Jones, your father died!" The soldier fainted on the spot.

A week later the sister of another soldier died, and the sergeant once again called his men together. "William," he yelled out, "your sister died last night!" The soldier burst into tears.

Finally, word got back to the general about the sergeant's insensitivity, and he was called on the carpet and told to be less direct and gruff when one of his men suffered a tragedy.

A week later the sergeant was notified that Private Wilson had just lost his mother. Remembering what the general had said, he lined up his troop.

Then he ordered, "Everyone whose mother is alive, please take one step forward. Not so fast Wilson!"
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